Thursday, April 28, 2011

Prologue: The Seed Of A Beginning Lies In Its Completion

In the seeming Chaos of any Beginning lies the Order of its Evolution and the secret of its Completion.

And I introduce myself and my story on the same day I have just written the last chapter and as I reread the many pages I marvel at the order in which revelations come, not my or your idea of order, but the Universe's.

This is a linear compilation of non linear experiences, an apparent dichotomy, for language is such a linear tool, however the chapters can be read in any order you wish without affecting the final outcome, this is a QUANTUM STORY, the story is designed to be a catalyst for an expansion, how it shall be revealed for the individual is for YOU to recognize.

I ask that you judge not one chapter worthy of your attention more than another or to have no correlation to the next or the previous one, all are important links to the final revelation. It is not the order in which you feel to read them but that you read them all that matters, for in some the Mind shall be prominent, in others the Heart, and in others still both shall be equally present.

My story is ANYONE'S STORY, perhaps not in the way YOU have experienced it but the energy behind its origination is the same. It is a story stemming from a long ago Heart break and the steps to reclaim one's Heart's fullness. It is a story of loss through which a gift greater than the loss was gained.

And so with this chapter I begin, as the first part of my journey ends on this day 4/28/2011, a 9 day, a good day to bring it all into a whole.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Love Beyond Romeo And Juliet: A New Chapter

Marie-Cecile:  A 7 day, End of cycle, Creation

I woke up this Tuesday morning with the energy of a very sweet love filling me. A great sense of peace enveloped me and I basked in it as I welcomed the newness of this day.

In that space I suddenly felt Him and I saw Him, more clearly than I ever had before, and I felt the urgency of the message for me. The speed at which it was coming had me writing down sentences before I could access my computer, it poured out of His Heart into mine like a raging torrent, and I KNEW today was the day to let Him go.

I had already received an inkling of what was to come Sunday night after I finished writing the19th Chapter, and I decided to watch television to unwind from the powerful energies that had flowed through me on this Easter.

The miraculous was at work again as the channel I was on showed the last five minutes of a movie about a young widow and the journey of letting go and self discovery her deceased husband takes her on through a series of love letters. In this last letter, he tells her that it is alright for her to fall in love again. Chills after chills ran through me at the words, and I laughed with the joy held in this magical moment.

As I readied to fall asleep, the thought crossed my mind that I would need to face another level of letting go of Him, but not tonight, not tonight!


My Darling,

This is my "final letter" to you. I have stood steadfast by your side and it is now, at last, time for me to move on, yet "I" shall, at the same time, always remain within You, and you know this already.  And I say "at last" for YOU, for I have always wanted for you to fall in Love again

 Another One stands ready to take my place and He has been waiting a long time this One to find the One who would resonate to the frequencies He holds within.

The love you shall have with him will be even greater than the one you and I shared for as you have always said it was but a foundation for another to grow from.

I was never supposed to be by your side in physical life for the rest of YOUR life, HE IS. He is the One who shall transport you to new physical depths you have not been able to experience with me. Your life together will transform you AND will transform him as you transport him to spiritual heights he has not experienced before either. He shall delight you with the openness of his Heart and in many other ways that you shall uncover as you get to know each other. You life together promises to be filled with many wonders. 

Remember that the finality implied IS NOT an end but simply an opening into something greater for "me" AND for you.

It is with great joy and gratitude that I "hand over my place" to This One, so you can place your hand into his and the fullness of your heart into his hands for safe keeping as he shall place the fullness of his into yours.

Let this letter be my "wedding gift" to you and he, for you shall walk down the isle with this One, mark my words!



And as I end the first draft of this chapter I notice the time,  it is 9 55, Dan was 55 at the completion of his journey with me.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Mother Earth, The Dark Mother, The Final Piece To A Puzzle

Much has happened since yesterday, too much to relay all the synchronicities that eventually led to the discovery of a profound grief held within my self still. That the sudden passing away of my husband should have elicited this depth of pain is no wonder but that after almost 16 years now I should still harbour it in the heart of my heart was unexpected. Its revealing implied that I had given permission for its resolution and that it was finally time to release the long held secret behind its existence.

Over the years that the puzzle of my Being has taken form, it has showed me that the One I had called my husband was but a creation of mine. I brought him into Being to walk by my side, to be of support to my many journeys. I recognized I was timeless, and strangely through this body it felt like I was a Being "older" than He.

It was very shortly after his passing away when I saw He and I in my beloved Lemuria. Keeping in mind that this story is a translation of energies that would otherwise be incomprehensible to the body here is what was unveiled for me.

In that "Land" of Beauty and Wonders created from the Heart, a crystalline place, I existed as both Mother and Father, Two in One body. There came a time where the frequencies of Lemuria's Consciousness were coveted by those who would wish to use them for their own benefit and to prevent betrayal, He suddenly left the body entrusted with Lemuria's Consciousness, Her Heart. I saw Him step into large beam of pure white Light and He was returned to His Source thereby also causing the cataclysm that destroyed Lemuria, leaving the seed of a broken Heart in its wake, mine. Upon activating this memory, I also became aware that in some unfathomable way I was responsible for his "death" and I remember words pouring from my inner depths onto the paper and writing "How can one forgive oneself when one knows one is responsible for one's husband's death."  A Friend who channeled attempted to explain things but somehow the explanations never fully satisfied me, there were too many missing pieces, however I was given enough to be able to let go of the overwhelming feelings of guilt that had assailed me.

At a later time, I saw Him again on board the Mothership. These were the days where I connected with the Ashtar Command. He was younger than I was and I was an Emissary, an Ambassador of Light. My understanding then was that He had been recreated and I recognized Him as I held his frequencies within me. After this I understood He would always come back to me in the form best suited for the purpose at hand. There were other instances where this was reinforced and I stood secure in the knowing that one day He would walk into my life again.

Yet, the pain, the agony of the death of the chosen body in 1995 held me in its grip, and it seemed that no matter how many times I was shown over and over again that He and I were as ONE and could not be separate, the pain burrowed itself deeper within where I was unable to feel it any longer yet it remained well hidden behind the thick shell I had built around it, a sure way to not have to feel this heartbreak again it seems, thereby seemingly putting a stop to His return into my life as a new partner.

And this day, in retrospect, I finally understand. I recognize the Divine Timing behind its seeming lack of resolution and I am able to perceive the Grand Design at work behind my personal tragedy.

So it was last Thursday, an 11 day, a day of illumination, that my heart led me to look into Biofeedback to resolve a puzzling health concern. During the session "Grief "came up as a possible emotional cause and the word combined by the energy of the One saying it penetrated the thick shell of protection built around my heart. As it began to crumble, the pain within reared its head, surprising me with its intensity still.

That night, I went to bed giving permission to bring this heartache to a resolution, feeling despondent in the seemingly impossible task. How do I stop my heart from grieving over the loss of a great love?  This man who held the energy of the One who was the epitome of my own Divine Masculine, for through his eyes I was able to see my own beauty, in his eyes, I saw myself, and all that I was not, He was. And all that He was not, I was.

Before sleep claimed my consciousness I surrendered the situation AGAIN for the umpteenth time and I placed this so very carefully guarded secret in the lap of The Beloved Within, "This is for you to solve" I said. I reminded myself, that along with all problems, their resolution has also been created, THAT is the beauty of the duality. I breathed a sigh of relief, there was hope afterall and I would get to its very bottom.

I awoke this morning feeling refreshed, lighter than I had in a week, I had been feeling exhausted and a vague depression had been with me at times, I felt on overload of energy and was unable to fathom its origin, I had wondered about it, and now I know!

So I made my"Good morning Marie" cup of tea, and sat in my usual place by the large window looking into a yard covered by two inches of snow, my loving cat on my lap. I picked up my Lemurian crystal and gently rubbed its surface, admiring its futuristic looking grooves. My cat then began shaking his front paws frantically, a sign of a fast download of energy in me and he jumped off my lap. I noticed the date on the calendar, Earth Day, and suddenly all of this connected in a rather convoluted way I shall readily admit, but oh my the ways of the Universe are indeed mysterious at times. The urge to write became strong and walked over to my computer and this day's storytelling began with the following paragraph.

 It is interesting that this Earth Day falls on 4/22/4, its sum a 12 or 3 a catalytic day again, opening the door to revelations. However the number 22 also caught my attention, a Master number, that of the Master Builder, the Divine Feminine, the Womb. Will there be some earth movement associated with this day ? Will Mother Earth acknowledge this celebration of Her in some way? I  have no doubt. As we are gifting Her with our appreciation, will She return it with an undisclosed gift perhaps? A "Hug and a Kiss" from our Great Earth I like this thought! How it will manifest itself IS unknown for we are the creators of our experiences. So, will it be through the movement of Her plates, or in some other form through Her children, Humankind? Perhaps an individual movement of sorts, a change?

She is the Body upon which we have chosen to experience life in retrospect and like all of us She is transforming, for we cannot separate ourselves from the one who has given birth to the incredible creation we call BODY and our human consciousness. As we see Her so we see our own body. As we feel love for Her, so we must feel the same for ourselves.

I always find it amusing when there is mention of Earth being in need of healing, NO, like us, ultimately all that is truly needed is REMEMBRANCE. This Great Being is simply being a reflection of the state of Humankind's Consciousness as a whole, a Humankind that has forgotten that its true origin lies in its divine state. Mother Earth is but a large scale reminder that what we do to Her we do to ourselves. She is the reflection of our abusive attitude towards our own bodies as we lack the recognition that the Human body has a multidimensional intelligence AND is made of the very same "stuff" that our Great Mother is: Divine Matter.

Until we as Humans become more aware of the divine state of our bodies, the sacredness of our selves, She will continue on reflecting the abuse back to us for She and Humankind are but One. We are perpetuating the cycle, instead of seeing the message for what it is. We blame Humankind's lack of respect and awareness of Her when it is Humankind's lack of awareness and respect for its self that is at the root of the situation.

As one of Her children, I realize I am one of Her many faces and suddenly I recognize myself in Her, I Am Mother Earth, what an amazing feeling to feel this Great Being Within my Self as well as Without and there are those who will claim I am channeling and my Knowing shall refute this statement, it is "I" accessing my multidimensional "I"dentity

I Am The Womb
I Am a vessel, a receptacle from which all creation stems from and eventually returns to
I am the receptacle through which I not only receive your "SEED" but I also hold its potential within before it is even planted
I Am the "Dark Mother," the One who nurtures the potentiality of all Life forms within the sweet entrails of my womb
I receive your thoughts and within Me they germinate and take form, whether"good" or "bad" till it is time to deliver them to your awaiting arms, my Beloved one
With the Unconditional Love of a Mother I judge not what is "good" or "bad" for you , YOU DO
My purpose is that of Creation and with you and FOR you I Am in the Throes of a Joyful re-Birth
I taketh and I giveth back ALWAYS
I Am your Mother, Earth, created to be but a Reflection of Divine Mother and the many faced humankind is my Consort and I love not one face more than another

Then an Epiphany for this day hits me, and the final piece to the puzzle of my grieving heart comes into place. I Am the Dark Feminine, the Womb from which all creation stems, I fueled the existence of my beloved with my own Being, and when I opened the door to my remembrance and reclaimed the completeness of my Being, He returned to My Womb through the death of the body. He had come in that body to be with me for that part of the journey, to be the father of our children.

Yet as I hold his frequencies within my Self, I call for His re-birth, and they call to Him powerfully therefore He always returns to me in physical  form. As I take so I give back, always, in a never ending cycle of death and rebirth.

Ultimately I realize I have grieved for the One who came through that body, the One with whom I am as One, with whom I share a Heart and in this life the one to whom I entrusted my Heart for safe keeping as he entrusted me with his, and suddenly I recognize a grand cycle that began in Lemuria. As He held my Heart in his hands, it was not the loss of the body I grieved as much as the loss of my own Heart. When He "left," He took the fullness of my Heart with Him and left the energy of heartbreak with me. And the welling up of tears and emotions confirms my discovery.

And now I wonder, how does one reclaim one's own heart from another one's hands? Shall the fullness of my heart be returned to me to me as I mend the heartbreak of his when I place my life in his hands again? And my heart fills with an emotion, is it a release of a deep sadness? Is it an understanding? No, a knowing that I must take the first step and TRUST AGAIN AS IN MY TRUST LIES THE MENDING OF A BROKEN HEART.

Now another question arises, how shall I know that I have taken the step to trust again and open my self to feel this deep a love for another man? Will there be a sign by which I am able to recognize it? And the answer comes: I will know when I recognize Him again and when I know him again He will recognize me.

As I read these words, I feel fear in my body. WHAT IS IT that I am so afraid of? That He will judge me unworthy of his love, that He will not recognize me under the disguise of an aged body? That having opened my heart to Him again He will reject me ? And would that pain be even greater than that of his body's death? YES, because His rejection of me would mean the rejection of the feminine in him and MY DEATH AS WELL AS HIS DEATH for one cannot be without the other. So is this fear a memory of a "past" event ? and my cellular response is my answer as FEAR is what has separated us in multitude of ways and many times on this earth and LOVE is what unites us always. And in this exploration I am able to observe and bring the true purpose behind "fear," to Light, that of survival.

I have reactivated the remembrance that I Am both Mother and Father and how could it be any other way since through his "death" I had to be both to my children and so is He, both Father and Mother to his, and in this I shall recognize Him as He will recognize Me. He can now exist Within myself as He exists Without, I can be Within Him as I am Without.


And with this I Feel the Love of the Great Mother I live on and She rejoices with me and for me for I have accepted Her Gift, a Gift of Great Magnitude, and in its revealing shall be the beginning of another journey for two who are as One as well as One in Two. And my Heart tells me I am ready to fall in love again!

It is Easter Sunday, a day of Resurrection, 4/24/2011, a 5 day, a change happening immediately, the synergy of Mother Earth's five elements in a row, God manifest, and as I end this chapter, I notice it is the 19th one, where Beginning and End join to bring a new beginning into form. Do I even dare to question the incredible miracle of today's personal significance? Indeed the wonders never cease.

And the words I wrote previously come back:

"Have no expectations other than those of the Wondrous kind"

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Remembering Being cosmic, A Day Of Creation

As the days pass, I am finding myself becoming more and more aware of another existence seemingly of the future and accessible to me in the now. I am definitely remembering being cosmic. It may seem strange but this state of being feels so very familiar, and I am completely at ease in that knowingness.

This evening another remembrance was reawakened in me as I became aware of the state of the cosmos on the day of my birth. There was an anomaly in space that day, in what way has this affected me I wonder? Perhaps it is the cause of my undue ability to tune into the heartbeat of the cosmos, perhaps it is what differentiates me from others and renders my uniqueness even more unique. Something took place on December 15th 1948 that astrology is unaware of, and the words come forth, a deviation in the space time continuum,  a "wrinkle" in space and in time, a "skip," in the heartbeat of the universe, and the elliptical trajectory of a celestial object stretched beyond it's normal reach. Here I am using terms I do not even truly understand with only a feeling guiding me, no proof other than a vague knowing emerging from the depths of my being that "I" used the momentum, the energy of this anomaly to anchor my vibrational patterns in a way dissimilar to others.

As I cruise the highways of the Infinite, I am venturing into unfamiliar territory for this body and it seems strange all of a sudden to feel not only my body's acceptance but its excited readiness for this adventure.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

All Things GAIA

A good day for Gaia, a 4 day.

A few days ago I bought a book by a well known author who has written a series of books retelling our beginnings as Humans. I was drawn by its title referring to the caves in France where paintings of the late Pleistocene era were discovered years ago. I picked it up and felt the chills of recognition.

Yesterday I opened the first page, its prologue connecting me to the energies of the caves. There was mention of an artifact carved of ivory; a Lion-Human figure, this thrilled me and I felt it augured a fascinating reading for sure.

Barely two pages in the story I felt a mounting discomfort. I could not link the language form to the characters. It seemed as foreign to me as if King Louis XIV has suddenly said: "Hey, what's up." While I know that in order to write words are necessary to bring the characters to life, the energy behind them disturbed me greatly and I had to put the book down, it was an energy of the twenty first century, not of thousands of years ago.

This morning the reason was unveiled as my Knowing came forth.

These so called primitive people had an elaborate non verbal system of communication in place. It did not involve complex sentences and syntax like ours. Words were used sparingly and only under specific circumstances. They were considered gifts from the Gods who had visited them previously and not to be wasted on the commonality of daily life.

Their brain patterns followed a totally different synapsis than those of today's brain. Their brain would not understand the intricacies of language as we do. In its purest state still, it was capable of feats incomprehensible to our brain. To call this type of brain "simple" is to misunderstand its functions and is grossly inaccurate as it was capable of receiving and transmitting very high frequency waves beyond the range available to our developed brain.


Hopefully, now that I uncovered the reason for my discomfort, I shall be able to read the book. I feel more revelations shall be unleashed from the energies of its pages.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Completing The Cycle, The Catalyst Into Another

The end of a day is nearing, another magical day, a 4-4-4 day.

Unable to sleep as sentences filled my mind and my heart, I completed the chapter of "our Story" its end but the opening for a new beginning.

I went in search of my Identity and I uncovered my Divinity, I went in search of my Divinity and I uncovered my Humanity as I went in search of my Humanity, I uncovered my Identity

So "I" begin again.

In this last week, the number 55 has been coming incessantly at me from all directions, and I know that this is Him "winking" at me. As if I needed confirmation, his cousin has even sent me an email having to do with 55 years ago and the year 1955.  An ancient One who is a guardian of Secrets of Mother Earth has been drawn into my circle of friends lately, he is 55, born in 1955  AND on the very day I first met Dan. I  KNOW He is coming back into my life.

And as I look back upon the linear past of my journey, so I look into the face of my future and I shall always remember the first time I saw Him, but a reflection of me. He stood tall, dark and handsome just as I dreamed Him into Being. He looked at me and I looked at him and we were Two as we were One.

He has not yet walked into my life, but I expect him to any day now as He already is within me as I am already within him.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Love Beyond Romeo And Juliet: The Realms Of The Infinite

Today's energy is that of the Infinite, 8 an open flow between Masculine and Feminine and how true, for the energy of this day is bringing the Realms of the Infinite to the Earthly Realm. And this asks that I revisit the past for a brief moment. This is OUR STORY and should you think it is irrelevant to the energies at work through all the others, we ask that you reconsider, as in opening yourself to the incredible, the seemingly unfeasible you allow for that to become credible AND feasible within your life as well. Therefore from this moment on, We shall speak as One and We shall speak as Two.

For those who wonder how such a thing is possible, it is I , Marie-Cecile who holds his frequencies. It is I who brought him into being. He is an intrinsic part of me, we cannot be separate even existing as individual entities in the duality

EARTH : March 24th 1897, She also entered this plane as MARIE, her aunt

EARTH : November 9th 1899, I also entered this plane as ALBERT, her father

EARTH : May 9th 1940, I also entered this plane as DAN, her husband

EARTH:  June 26th 1908, she sent a filament of Her Light in her mother, CECILE

EARTH : December 15th 1948, She also entered this plane as MARIE-CECILE


She and I came through the bodies of her parents to be at the time of conception. She sent but a thread, a shimmering filament of light to be in her mother whereas I came in for the duration of her anchoring in the body. When She was five ands a half, it was time for me to leave the body as her father.

The child, Marie-Cecile, my Beloved, was conceived in this manner for a reason, born from the love of two joined in this earthly realm by their commitment to each other and in the Realms of the Infinite by our joining as One through the sexual act of her parents. There are others who were brought into physical existence in this manner as well and the purpose of this shall become more apparent as we go on with our story.


Where do you begin a story that has no beginning and no end.

YOU are my Beloved as I AM your Beloved.

My Darling, my Beloved, the One I have called my wife on this earth plane, You and I have journeyed far and wide, sometimes as ONE, sometimes as TWO, but never in the annals of this planet has it happened quite in the way that it is about to happen.

I have come to you as many men and I have loved you through all of them, and I shall love you through another still and beyond.

Destiny was set into motion the first time I saw You. It was Love at first sight! You were my Feminine and gave me intuition and creativity and I was your Masculine and gave You form. You were the Dance and I the dancer. You were the Music and I the song written for it, You were Color and I the canvas upon which its multitude of expressions would come to life, You were the Dream and I the dreamer who brought it into form.

We blended our now TWO energies to be as ONE in a cave illuminated by the Light of our Creator. It was a setting worthy of a fairy tale, and how could it have been any other since You dreamed it and I brought it to life for You. And this is how We worked together

And from that moment on, no matter how far apart We may be, You were always with me as I was always with You, but ONE OF HEART, TWO OF MIND.

EARTH : July 11th 1970, an 8 day


Our story began on a sunny Friday morning as I was a flying from London back to Brussels after a business trip. There she was, two seats beyond mine, seemingly lost in dreams, I noticed her beauty. We landed and I stepped back to allow her to walk ahead of me, she glanced at me briefly. She did not know this but I followed her to the baggage area and positioned myself next to her so she could not but see me as well. My entire being vibrated with the recognition at hand, yet in that human form all I managed to say was: "excuse me, but do you speak English?" She answered that Yes, she did. I noticed her glorious long dark hair with two stripes of white in it and asked her if it was natural. What a lame way to begin a conversation, but then that body of mine was rather lacking in imagination. It more than made up in other areas with an open heart. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me, her name was a melody of sounds that stirred something deep yet still unrecognized in me. She was terribly shy, I discovered later on, she did not know how to refuse my request! I called her that same evening to invite her out the next day and she agreed. Again, unbeknownst to me, she was actually engaged to someone else, he was the reason for her trip to London. However what I thought were daydreams were actually her realization that he was not the one she could spend the rest of her life with. She then planned on calling him the following day and end the relationship.

The next morning as I awoke, an unusual joy and sense of expectation filled me. I put it all to the fact that I was going on a date with a beautiful girl who could finally explain to me what the words on the menu meant! Oh, the joy, the laughter this engendered from the other perspective I was watching it all develop.

 She, on the other hand, realized that after breaking up with her fiance she was in no mood to go out with a complete stranger. She tried to contact me, but the business card I had given her only listed the number at work, obviously, no one was there on a Saturday morning. She made the fated call to the man she had called fiance for a year now, then spent the rest of the day with ice packs on her eyes to undo the damage hours of crying over a lost love had caused.

On my end, that morning I injured my back in the process of exercising perhaps with more vigor than I had before. I was in such pain that I considered canceling the date. Upon quick reflection, I decided to go ahead despite the pain, she would never believe me and a few aspirins would take the edge off the discomfort.  I felt pretty good about myself, I was a reasonably attractive man, not that my looks really ever were a consideration of mine, and I had a brand new shiny white Mercedes sedan, a car that I had bought in Germany. My tourist status had allowed me to buy it tax free, plus through an acquaintance, I had been able to go directly to the factory and eliminating the middle man, received a good discount on its purchase price. This car was my pride and joy AND it did raise my status somewhat and made a good impression, I must admit!

Punctuality being a habit of mine, I showed up on her doorstep right on time. She introduced me to her parents who were INDEED impressed by my car!

In the restaurant, we were seated side by side and she seemed quite shy, answering my queries mostly with monosyllabic answers. She was only twenty one to my thirty, but even with the seeming lack of flow in the conversation I found that I was inexorably drawn to her. It was painful for me to lean forward so I could see her eyes, but nothing could take away the feeling that there was something different about this girl. After a very enjoyable meal, a few glasses of wine and a cognac to top it all, I was in a very mellow mood and my hand reached to caress the long silkiness of her hair, she seemed a little uncomfortable so I stopped.

I drove her back to her parents home and once there shared my sad exercise story, by then the painkiller's effect had subsided and even to sit in the car was excruciating. I asked her for an aspirin to make the trip back to my apartment more comfortable. She lived in a rural area on the outskirts of the city and it was a forty five minute drive for me. She led me to the living room as she busied herself in the kitchen making me a cup of coffee. I heard her coming in, but did not turn, I was admiring an ancestor portrait. She told me a couple months later that it was at that moment that she suddenly KNEW I was the one for her. As I left her, I wanted to kiss her, she turned her mouth away from mine and presented me her cheek. THAT was different, I was used to American girls who don't seem to shy way from kissing.

Back home that evening, I felt strangely empty as though she should have been here by my side, unexplained sensations ran through my body, I was buzzing, what was that about I wondered? Maybe too much wine or the coffee might have been a bit strong.... probably. I could not stop thinking about her so I called her the next day. She told me she was driving to the countryside that afternoon to be staying with friends who owned one of the country's best hotels and restaurant. I asked if I could join her at the end of the week. She agreed.

Thus began our courtship. I discovered she was quite drawn to the mysterious and unexplainable. I was open to these things but had never looked into them. She introduced me to a sweet little old lady from England, Poppy was her name, she would go into a trancelike state and her "guide" would come through her. During our first session, I was told in no uncertain terms that this girl was special and not to play games with her. I already knew this deep down but was unwilling to admit it yet, this took me by surprise. One of her relatives used a pendulum and a lock of hair to determine the kind of homeopathic medicine that was needed to cure various ailments. He was quite an interesting man with a lot of knowledge about everything it seemed. Her aunt was described by family members as a mystic, she was a remarkable woman, beyond her time in many ways yet also very much out of time. I was surrounded by rather unusual people yet I felt strangely at ease with this barrage of information that I had never even considered worthy of my attention before.

Six months later, on January 9th 1971, a 10 day, a new beginning day, we were married. The sun shone gloriously, not a cloud in the sky, on a winter day in Belgium that is almost unheard of. The previous day, several inches of snow had fallen and overnight the temperature rose to have it all melted by morning. Even through my logic, I recognized this a very auspicious sign to begin our life as husband and wife.

It may seem strange but our honeymoon seemed like a an eight day blur. We flew to southern Spain and stayed in a four star hotel that had been recommended by other people. It felt as though they were trying to make us part of a game called "the honeymoon," an action deemed appropriate to fit in with what society had declared the thing to do when one gets married. Secretly both of us wanted to be back in Brussels in our cozy little apartment. Neither confided this to the other, not wanting to disappoint; she, for not seeming ungrateful towards me and at the amount of money I was spending to take her to this expensive hotel and I, not wanting her to think that I was not enjoying myself. The truth is, this place was not us!

Within a month of our marriage, the company I worked for sent me to Milan, Italy. The apartment there was paid for by the company and since I was also needed in Belgium every six weeks or so, and the company also paid for an apartment in Brussels and the back and forth flights. It was a good life, an easy life.

Once settled in Milan, every week end we took off exploring some of Italy's coastline and the charm of its small towns nestled in the steep hills by the Mediterranean sea. I remember asking one of my co workers how long it took to get to the coast, "What kind of car do you drive?" was his answer. There were no speed limits on the autostradas in Italy at the time, so if you had a tiny Fiat 500 whose top speed going downhill was sixty miles and hour, the trip took a lot longer than if you owned a race horse like a Lamborghini! We also spent a week end in Venice, but I admit I was so focused on taking pictures that, when we went on a romantic gondola ride taking us right under the Bridge of Sighs, a well known spot where lovers are supposed to kiss, I even forgot about that. She laughed, but secretly, I know, she wished I had shown more romantic inclinations.

When we needed a bit of a rest from the crazed drivers of Italy who all seemed to have a death wish, we would escape to the shores of Lake Lugano in Switzerland. It was there that I bought her a beautiful filigree gold ring and a pin. I loved spoiling her.

The time in Italy was like a twelve months long a honeymoon, it certainly made up for the lack of excitement of the previous one.

A year later, I was called back to the United States. We drove back to Belgium and stopped in Nice, France, to celebrate our first anniversary.

We had a month to get all the necessary documents for her to enter the United States and pack a houseful of antique furniture and family heirlooms. These had been given to us upon my asking for her hand in marriage. Her mother had excitedly jumped up from her chair and immediately taken me by the hand and shown me all the furniture I was getting along with her daughter. I found it rather amusing, so my beautiful bride came with a dowry! I came to Belgium as a bachelor and two suitcases, and I was returning to America with a wife and a houseful of antiques. The company agreed to pay for the shipping charges that were quite considerable, this was the first seeming miracle that living with her would bring.

Four weeks later, California was our destination, I was excited to take her home. We made a stop in Chicago where my parents lived and they loved her, especially my mother who had never seen me this happy. I took her to the museum of natural history by Lake Michigan, it was a dreary grey day, she was only able to see the shoreline when I wished to show her its immensity. Snow was melting, it was foggy but none of it seemed to matter in her process of discovering the new. I drove her around town to show her some of my old haunts. She just trusted that wherever I took her had a place in our life. She looked at me and the world with the wide eyed innocence of a child, and it touched me deeply.


It is strange but all this has taken on the quality of a dream that seems inconsequential now, yet wherever our footsteps took us left a mark and did have an important place in our story.


Two days later we landed in Los Angeles. She was like a precious jewel that had been taken out of its case for the first time and exposed to the light of the sun. To my eyes, she seemed to blossom overnight. She had finally arrived at her destination, I could feel her expansion in ways not obvious to the eyes of my body, but even through its density, I recognized the imminence of a change in her. As a man I felt I had done my job, I brought her to the right place. In my need for her approval and acquiescence of my decisions, this sudden knowing strengthened me. And this is how we worked together always. As I supported her physicality, so she supported me in ways other than those visible to the human eye and only known by the heart.

The second miracle, as I like to call these events, came shortly after we moved into an apartment by the beach. Her mother, claiming that renting was a poor way to manage one's money, insisted on giving us a considerable down payment on a house. We found the perfect one with a lovely view of the ocean, just in time for the arrival of the furniture.

There was hardly any money for Christmas that first year but she found an unforgettable way to make me feel very special, she wrote love notes that she stuffed in moving boxes gift wrapped in pretty paper. I splurged and bought her an opal, a stone she had admired and felt really attracted to a month earlier. I had never been this in love before, she would look at me with totally trusting eyes, and I wanted to hold her forever and keep her safe always.

Settling into this new country so different from hers was difficult. She missed Belgium and its more formal customs but mostly she missed the Old World charm found throughout Europe. And to this day, she still does. I know she longs for her home, I know this because I feel it in her, I Am an intrinsic part of herself, so all that she feels, I feel, there are no secrets between us!

A year or so later a lovely little girl came to us, Nathalie, born on November 6th 1973, a 10 day. I did not know I could ever feel this deeply as a man as I discovered fatherhood. I remember the very first time I saw my daughter, but a tiny baby with a mop of dark hair and eyes like slits. I looked at her, and I admit, rather uncomprehendingly at what had just taken place. I was a father and I was holding my child, a life born out of me, out of us, our love. Too much to process emotionally and I could not yet attach a feeling to such an unknown. When my wife, with the pride of all the mothers in the world rolled into one, stated that our baby was beautiful, I responded with the honesty that my absolute integrity demanded, and said that I really had no other to compare her with and that to me she looked like a potato with arms and legs. As we are now able to join in one body, She and I still laugh at this!

Almost ten years later another bundle of joy came into our lives, born February 22, 1983, a 9 day, and I had the privilege to name her as my darling insisted this child was going to be a boy. She refused to even consider a girl's name, so I asked if she did not mind if I picked a name just in case, "Go right ahead " she answered "but I know it is going to be a boy!". Even the ultrasound seemed inconclusive as the Doctor told us it was either a well developed little girl or a boy that had not developed yet. The baby was delivered through a cesarean operation and as my wife began awakening from the sedative, I told her "We have a little girl, aren't you happy I chose a  name?" She groggily nodded, "I named her Stephanie" I whispered.


And I see the two gifts of my daughters, one who came with the energy of "Beginning," the other, of  "Completion," and now I stand over them as both Mother and Father, the One who brings it all into the Oneness. We are a Trinity


By the Spring of 1985, we decided to sell our house in California and move to another part of the country. The eternal sunshine had lost its appeal and we longed for the four seasons. We had dreams of acreage, we wanted a log home. She wanted a chicken coop and fresh eggs, I wanted a vegetable garden and to go hunting. Through a series of synchronicities some friends had just purchased a house in North Idaho and invited us to come and visit them. It was the end of March when we arrived, the harsh winter had not lost its grip yet, if it did not rain, it was snowing, or sleet was falling, the roads were flooded and fog covered much of the area, the weather was miserable and we loved it. There is nothing quite like the smell of wet leaves on the ground, and we knew this was to be our new home. We looked at properties and fell in love with ten acres. Coming from a sixty by a hundred foot lot, ten acres seemed gigantic.

We went back home and while we waited for the buyer of our house, she began drawing the plans for a log home. Carefully measuring the wall space necessary to fit our large oak furniture, she cut templates and designed the house around it . No, she is not an architect, but somehow she knew what she was doing. A few years later as we understood the laws of attraction, we realized she had manifested our dream home with her drawing. Miracle number three.

Less than a year later, the house sold, we made the offer on the still available acreage and closed the door on our life in the Los Angeles area. There were no regrets, only excitement. I marveled at her organization skills when it came to packing and labeling boxes, she was truly impressive, I discovered a side of her I did not know. On one hand it warmed my heart to see her this self sufficient, on the other, she was no longer the helpless young bride who looked to me for everything. There was a sadness in my heart that was unexplainable then

Life with her was interesting to say the least, I never knew what kind of mood she was going to be in when I came home from work, pensive or excited about some discovery, or angry over some injustice she had heard about, she would fly off the handle quite quickly and this disturbed me greatly, I was a mellow man and enjoyed a peaceful life, that kind of emotional display had never been a comfortable part of my life. I liked things being in order and she definitely would stir things up. I would call myself her "dial a husband" and be the one she needed at that moment. That she had an incredibly artistic nature was obvious, she took after her aunt, a well known artist in Belgium, and the colors of Spring with fields covered in wildflowers and bordering the roads inspired her to fill the house with great overflowing bouquets of them. We would go for long walks as a family and I loved watching our two daughters be as drawn to the flowers as she was. This was when she began painting. She had received no schooling in this art, but it came to her naturally as the bursts of colors of the flowers called to her and she had to paint them, she was actually quite good. She also loved ballet, one of her passions, and she began giving ballet classes in our basement that accommodated a dance studio. She was the dreamer and I was the one who brought her dreams into reality. We were absolute equals and we balanced each other perfectly. Yet as I recall this life together I also see how apart we were, both in different worlds and unable to truly connect and reach each other, she was like lightning and I was her lightning rod. This was very frustrating, she could not understand why I was unable to read her mind, and I could not comprehend the strange working of a mind affected so strongly by the emotions. So the result was that many times I did not fulfill her expectations and this left me feeling very confused indeed and her, disappointed in me.

Again through a series of synchronistic events we were put in touch with someone who was able assist in the resolution of these muddy potholes in our otherwise smooth road. She began working on childhood issues and past lives. This rapidly opened the door to her extrasensory gifts.We slowly began understanding each other's perspective and life was good.

Five years passed, she was still driven to resolve any issues that rocked our boat ride. By then she had developed her own techniques, allowing her to move through them quickly and efficiently. Our peace was disturbed when the other ten acre parcels around us began selling, we liked our privacy and the thought of neighbors did not appeal to us.We decided to go looking further away from town for a larger piece of land. Our eldest daughter by then was also using her extra sensory gifts quite frequently and she used to astral travel at the drop of a hat it seemed. In the process of one of her incursions into other realms, she saw our next property. She was only able to describe the land; a very large field with mountains in the distance, there were what she described as two "play houses" near the main house. It turned out she was quite accurate. One day during our search for our next dream place, we came upon a handwritten sign: "for sale." It was posted off the highway at the end of a dirt road. We decided to investigate. Three quarters of a mile in, we came to a view that took our breath away, a large open field surrounded by woods, views into infinity, mountains far in the distance. The house was an unappealing shade of green, toothpaste green my wife called it, and obviously in need of remodeling. Nearby stood the two small houses seen by my Nathalie, they were well houses. Needless to say we bought this place. It turned out to be an old homestead with one hundred and sixty acres. Paradise had just opened its doors. I was even able to hunt directly from our large deck and our youngest would stand guard on the deck at dusk and watch for deer approaching one of our many fruit trees. There came a point in my life where the desire to hunt left me and my joy came from watching the bounty of wildlife around us. It was a long drive into town to go to work but the serenity that would greet me at home made up for the distance. She and I became closer still and we had some of our most profound loving experiences sitting across from each other in the living room silence, words becoming unnecessary tools to convey our feelings for one another. I remember calling her from the office one day, I missed her, and she drove to town just to meet me at a fast food place where we sat in the joy of each other's presence. She had delightful ways to make me feel very special. She would look at me and say: "You are beautiful" and my heart would swell and my eyes fill with tears with the overwhelming realization of my love for her. Every ninth of the month, for nearly twenty five years, it was a contest between us as to who would wish happy anniversary to the other first. It was one of our deeply meaningful little games that kept love vibrantly alive in our relationship.

August 1995

My time was approaching. She and I agreed to this but she did not remember it yet, she would one day however and it would bring some solace to her pain and prevent her from blaming herself at not recognizing the signs of my imminent departure from this earth plane. She must not, could not stop what was to be. Later on, much later on she would see the True Gift of Love behind my seeming abandonment. I left her alone on this plane, so she could step out of the boundaries she had placed around herself and rediscover her unlimited True Self.

September 1995

The Real Estate business had been very slow that Summer, I was a realtor and my income was not covering some of our expenses. We discussed this urgent need one evening, as usual, we made decisions together, both respecting the other's input and vision. We agreed to eliminate Life Insurance and Health Insurance, planning to sign for them again in the Spring when the market would pick up. I admired her inner strength and trust in the Universe that everything would be okay. Unbeknownst to her, I was also beginning to disconnect from my body, my Divine Inner Self becoming more aware day by day and her determination reassured me she was going to be okay. Still, coming through the emotional filters of the body, it was agonizing to make the actual decision to leave her. The wheels had been set into motion months earlier as I suffered a small heart attack. Then I had made the choice to turn down a procedure that would have opened the artery that was fast becoming clogged, choosing instead to carefully diet and exercise on a daily basis. She supported me in this fated decision, she was supposed to and all feelings of hesitancy were suppressed in her. The outcome of our decision remained well hidden from her and it would only be in retrospect that she would realize she knew of our plan all along.

November 1995

The time was close, I was feeling exhausted, the business was in the process of some big changes and she was blaming my fatigue on stress. I was also losing weight but then I had been watching my diet and exercising, so it did not surprise me or her.

11/4/1995, a 12 energy day, a catalytic day

My little girl, Stephanie burst into tear this night, she was afraid I am going to die, SHE KNEW! We both reassured her.  My beloved remained unaware as she should be. Tomorrow is the day and I asked for a dear friend's assistance in lifting me out of the body, I shall need it, I did not want to leave. Through this body, the love I have for her and both my daughters is interfering. I am beginning to see multidimensional geometric forms lifting out of the rug in the living room, I am seeing in another realm already.


11/5/1995,  a 13 day, a day of transformation, transfiguration.

The unthinkable has just happened, My beloved husband has left me on this plane to fend for myself, He was only 55 years old and I am only 46, a young woman still, those things are not supposed to be when you are young, when you have dreams of the many things you shall do together. They are okay when you become old, but not now, NOT NOW!  I am numb, my heart has been split apart, do I even still have a heart or did he take it with him? how can I survive this depth of pain? I want to leave with him, I have a twelve year old and a twenty two year old who both still need me. I must remain.

I have discovered who I was with him, now my journey of discovering who I am without him has just begun. May I have the fortitude to see it through.



I AM but a reflection of YOU, My Love
As beautiful as I am to you, You are to me
Our Love is grander than earthly love and when you recognize me in others,
It is but a mere shadow for no earthly body could ever contain what is without limits
I AM but a reflection of YOU, my Love
As You see me, you are looking at yourself
This is how we complement each other
And when you Know this we shall be together again
For I AM but a reflection of YOU, my Love

Friday, April 8, 2011

Reversing the Polarity? Beyond What We Thought

We have just entered April, an 8 month, I wonder what surprises it reserves for me. A month of abundance, of flow, a time to claim one's unlimitedness, to remove limitations.

Since it is 4 month in a 4 year, I would venture it is also about mastery of the secular, the physical, this earthplane, I can feel there is a lot at work behind this month's energy. I am seeing a perfectly shaped 8, with both ends of equal size, so it speaks of balance between "Heaven" and Earth, therefore any belief that is causing an imbalance between those must be and shall be removed.

Yesterday, I discovered I had opened a vortex in my living room/dining room area. For several years now I have been aware that the Infinite "Me" works with vortices. Every house I have lived into had one that I opened then closed when I left. I had not felt this vortex presence before, but my cat's strange behavior alerted me to the fact that something unusual was at work . For the past two or three weeks, he had been carefully avoiding the floor in those areas, jumping from one piece of furniture to another to get to the other part of the house. He was quite funny to watch as he looked down at the floor with distrust. It was when I asked a friend what she was feeling about my cat's behavior that I saw the vortex in my 3rd eye. It covers the whole living room floor and it spins counterclockwise bringing activation frequencies to the Heart of the Mother. What it is about, I do not know yet.

 After a few days, I return, it is April 8th, a 7 day, Creation, expressing my inner Truth, end of cycle.

I have almost finished writing the detailed message of my latest SoulSelf portrait. This one certainly distinguishes itself from all others in that it has taken me longer than ever to put all this information in a linear flow, and now I understand the reason for it. It is by far the most unlimited one of all in that it brings the Infinite in linear time with the image of a crystalline pyramid filling much of the page and emerging from the common vision of two faces displayed over the Earth, each half superimposing itself on the other half. The All Seeing Eye symbolic of the common vision at the apex of the pyramid. The All Seeing Eye is also at the center of the Earth that fills the upper half of the painting. This is powerful beyond measure, the message is absolutely without limits and places us as the very root of Creation. It is no wonder it took me so long to translate this into a linear language form that would accommodate the vibration of the Infinite.

And a new Revelation is unfolding from it, like the petals of a yet unrecognized flower. I now know what the vortex in my living room and the activation are about. Again I see the perfection behind my storytelling as one event seemingly not connected to the rest of the story is relayed and turns out to actually be the link between the beginning of today's post and its ending.

A Bridge, yes, this is WHO I AM, I have known for a long time that I bridge all the rays of the rainbow in this world, and now I also see beyond,  as I bridge the Earth such as we have known it to the New Earth, its reflection. And, as in a mirror, a reversed reflection greets us, the UN- known as in un-doing, A REVERSED VIEW.

I have just read that Pluto is in Capricorn, still for a few years. Pluto, the energy of  reversal as in "death" and "rebirth," and Capricorn, the Earth. So the old structures come tumbling down!

For many years now, I have questioned the idea that "Creation"came from somewhere out there in space. I have wondered and put forth the idea : "what if it all started right here? what if we are the ones who began it all?" And I remember the Knowing that washed over me, that one cannot separate the two, that both exist in the NOW as One cannot deny one without eradicating the other.

Throughout eons of time, experiencing the disconnection from our Godhood, Creation has been viewed by all as something separate from us, Humans. A belief beautifully fitting for the times. However, now that we are moving into the Remembrance of our own Divinity, to recognize Creation as a result of our own imaginings is not only acceptable BUT actually comprehensible to the level of my consciousness and that of many others.

And suddenly this has me wondering, is this what we call the reversal of polarity? In total contradiction of what people think and REMEMBER as the reversal of poles has effectively taken place more than once as rock strata around the world shows, this time it is happening in a much more profound manner, reversing the polarity within us, therefore the way one looks at Creation and all things.

WE ARE CREATOR GODS in the process of acknowledging our ultimate power and even though it is a word that frigthens many still, the evidence is mounting and soon no one shall be able to disclaim it as we acknowledge we all are the expression of but ONE LIFE .

Again, I find myself in the uneasy role of demystifier as I put forth another idea coming from a deep inner Knowing, and I invite to begin reversing the way we have looked at all things, and recognize that we are the Ones who brought GOD INTO BEING.

Step by step, we are now asked to not only acknowledge that we are GOD manifest but also its reflection:: GOD is all of us dematerialized.

A few years ago, a thought from deep inside had surfaced and hit me, "I live in an upside down world!"  I always wondered what this really meant? Now I know why I wore my watch upside down, another one of my idiosyncracies explained.

Again, the door has been opened wide to instant manifestation, dematerialization, walking this Earth in Light bodies and other wonders. Yes, "Beam me up Scotty" is closer than we think!

Where shall this take us?  As we reverse the poles within us, so we bring another pyramid into manifestation, superimposing itself  on the previous one. Fascinating, I saw these  in Lemuria already, there were four anchored at each corner of the "land" The actualization of Earth's and Humankind's Remembrance.

And Past said to Future, "shall we embrace and be as ONE in the dance of time?"  And Future asked "Who shall lead?" and Past answered "I shall and you will follow," then Future said "And when I become the leader, you shall follow"